Adjusting to life as a Ma-am

Brought RaeAnne to playgroup today and she started crying at the gate when I was trying to carry her out of the stroller. Sigh, she's getting smarter and smarter. I dread for the day when she'll refuse to even put on her uniform.

Woke up extra early today cos RaeAnne kept 'ka cheowing' me by poking my belly button. Thought she might be hungry but I smelled something funny. Checked and realised that she had poo pooed. She already poo twice in the day, once immediately after playgroup when I went to pick her up and another time after she went to the park with ILs. The 5+am poo was the 3rd time in 24 hours.

Very strange for her to poo in her sleep, I suspected that she ate something wrong and it was diarrhoea. Very difficult to pin point cos she's eating all kinds of 'rubbish'. ILs have raise white flag cos they can't get her to eat. End up, they've started giving her table food to go with her porridge. As long as it's something that's not too salty, oily or hard to chew. So far, she has tried stir fried french bean, ABC soup, meat patty, steamed fish, rice dumplings (tang yuan), yam rice etc. Wanted to give her prebiotics this morning but she did not poo again from 5+am to 12noon so I didn't. Hopefully her tummy has adjusted.

Today was a busy day. Didn't get to nap at all cos after coming back from dropping RaeAnne off at playgroup. I took the time to teach Filamie how to use the washing machine, save the rinse water to wash toilet, toilet floor, wipe the dusty, neglected shopping trolley, hang the clothes etc. We were slightly late to pick up RaeAnne. Reached there exactly at 11am and some of the kids have already left. I think the teacher is starting to release the 9am class earlier and earlier so that they won't mix with the 11am class. :P

Brought RaeAnne to ILs place as usual and introduced them to Filamie. RaeAnne was sticky as ever and made the mistake of allowing Filamie to observe ILs trying to bathe RaeAnne. Should have just asked her to wait in the living room while I went to the toilet. End up, I had to go to bathroom to fetch her and of course RaeAnne cried and cried when I tried to leave. Ye Ye and Nai Nai took so many different toys to trick her to go to their room but she refused to budge from hugging my tummy and shoulders and keep wanting me to carry her. Until Ye Ye had no choice but to carry her 'by force' to the kitchen to see 'pigeons'. I could still hear her crying when I reached first floor, ILs stays at 9th floor. :P

Very heart pain to see my gal like that. From a sunshine and smiley gal, she became so needy and insecure over the span of 1 week. Of course, had to put up with ILs grumbling too cos she's really not easy to look after during this period. Had to keep reminding myself to let go and let her learn. I can't keep her by my side forever and it's only 2 hr playgroup not even full day childcare. :(

Brought Filamie to eat at the CC foodcourt, had mixed veg rice. Debated whether to order 1 veg, 1 meat or all veg for her but in the end, decided to order 2 veg, 1 meat for her. Her rice came up to $3, same as mine. It's just her second day of work, don't want to 'ill treat' her. Hopefully once she can hone her cooking skills, we can eat at home more often instead of eating out and save $. Bought her some envelopes and stampes from NTUC so that she can write home cos she has no money to buy a Sg SIM card for her handphone yet. Carine has told her yesterday to save up the $ first and write letters for the first month.

Also bought some veg, garlic and eggs from NTUC so that I can teach her to cook. Not that I'm a great cook myself. Found out that she's more of a left hander this morning when I saw her washing and wringing the clothes. Hubby decided to go and see dr at A&E this afternoon cos his ankle is still badly swollen. Let him try the stir fried chye sim that me and Filamie cooked. Verdict, not salty enough and the mushrooms were a bit sour. :P Dropped Filamie at ILs place while we went to A&E. I had to stay outside the house cos RaeAnne was already awake and she'll definitely cry if she sees me coming and going off.

We waited a super long time at A&E (more than 2 hrs) cos the doctor skipped hubby's queue no. Was very frustrated as I was hungry, tired and wearing a mask. In the end, the dr said hubby didn't seem to have broken any bones but swelling after 1 week from a sprained ankle is strange so they gave hubby a follow up appt with Ortho doctor in Sept. I asked if standing and walking will aggravate his condition as he's a teacher. The dr said yes and gave him 2 days MC. Also gave him excuse chit for 1 week of light duties during his reservist starting on 11 Aug.

Whenever I was around, RaeAnne didn't want Filamie to feed or carry. At night after we came home and I showered, she'll stand guard outside the shower screen while I showered. This happened since last night cos she's afraid I'll disappear. Before playgroup, she'll play with Daddy in the living room and just run into the toilet to check on me once in a while. But tonight after I showered and was blowdrying my hair, she was curious enough to follow Filamie to the living room to play when she held her hand.

I stayed in my room to give Filamie a chance to bond and play with her. Really mixed feelings then. Felt a bit '辛酸' that I have to voluntarily share my gal's love with a stranger. Told hubby how I felt and he comforted me that once tom comes, she'll only want me again. Also, he said he can't recall a thing of his childhood from 1 to 5 years old. Same for me too actually. The only thing I remember when I was 5 was my maternal grandpa passing away and the huge wake at the Tampines kampung. But that was a major event. Told hubby though you may not remember as a child but as a parent we'll always remember our child's memories.

Anyway, had to remind myself that this is an adjustment period and the reason why I'm hiring a maid is to better cope with 2 kids so that I can keep both of them with me instead of sending one to ILs. Also, RaeAnne at least had 18 months of my undivided attention and love whereas Raelynn was born into this world to share because she is my no. 2. If the maid can help to look after RaeAnne then at least I can concentrate my attention on Mei Mei after she is born. This will be fairer to Raelynn too cos she also deserves to be showered with my love and attention. :)

Feeling breathless tonight, must be because I carried RaeAnne a lot these days. Have to take deep, slow breaths. :P Luckily she slept at 950am today, must be tired from playgroup. She only napped for 1 hr plus at Ye Ye place today cos of the renovation drilling at opposite block.

P.S. The feb08 mummies were discussing about their child's development in terms of imitation. RaeAnne's only good at imitating housechores eg. mopping, sweeping. The only grooming that I do regularly is blow dry my hair and comb hair so she can imitate these only, no make up actions like the other gals of FTWMs. Hee. ;) She does try to be helpful though. Today MIL told me when FIL told her he needs to go toilet cos very urgent, need to 'shh shh'. She actually went to fetch potty for him. Haha. LOL. :)