Officially stopped BF

29 Jan 11 - The day I officially stopped BF cos the last pack of FEBM was gone. Switched off the stand alone freezer last week too. Have been mixing FM with FEBM for Raelynn and she's taking it well so that's a relief. :) I wouldn't never have been able to stop BF on my own (will have felt too guilty). Stopped BF cos of the circumstances after the accident so in a way, I'm glad the decision was taken out of my hands. Time to take out the BF ticker. I've lasted almost 14 months (3 days short) so I am still proud of myself. Hope Raelynn will stay healthy and grow up tall and strong. :)

Red CNY dresses

Although we don't have plans to go CNY visiting this year (cos post accident, must wear brace plus no car), I couldn't resist ordering two 'Ang3 gong4 gong4' dresses for the 2 gals from SMH BP. Thought they look so sweet. I especially like the one of Raelynn doing a 'Marilyn Monroe'. :)

Follow up dr review

Came back from dr review at cgh, condition not worsen (good news) but still need to wear brace for 6 more weeks (bad news). Thought my 6 weeks started from 14 Jan, how come kenna restarted and now still got to wear for 6 weeks.

Next review is 7 mar, so close to my phuket trip on 14 mar. Hope I can still go for my trip lor. Got to wear the brace for so long. Hiaz. Went back to Lifeforce rehab centre and adjusted my brace slightly to give my face more breathing space. Bought another cervical collar too and it costs $156. No choice cos the brace is too uncomfortable to use on the bed so look for another alternative so that I won't feel so miserable. Met a couple there and the Malay lady is still wearing a hard plastic brace though her accident was in Nov and her fracture is only in T12, guess I can't complain. :p

Wonder if I was right to insist on no surgery so I went to search online. Looks like most pp will only go for surgery if there is nerve damage (which hopefully I don't have). So, brace is the best option for now bah. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000443.htm

RaeAnne is 3 years old!!!

Raeanne finally turned 3 today. She is 12.8 kg n 95cm tall. We did not managed to go out n celebrate as a family today cos hubby brought RaeAnne to her music class in the morning and went for tuition in the afternoon and he's tired out. But at least we walk out to nearby Ntuc together to buy mamy poko diapers for Mei Mei.

She was a very sweet gal together, maybe because she knows it's her birthday.She asked me a few times, 'Mummy, are you feeling well?' When I said no, she took the 'yoko yoko' and wanted to apply the yoko yoko for me. :) When I was watching Japan hour and said that the gal was so nice to bring her Daddy and Mummy on holiday. I asked her 'Next time when you grow up and have money, will you bring Mummy on holiday. She replied. 'Monday, Monday, I bring you on holiday'.

hehe, so sweet, don't know if it'll be an unfulfilled promise. But I'll look forward to the day when instead of we bringing the gals on holiday. The gals will bring us on holiday. :)

Happy 6th wedding anniversary (again)!

Today is our customary wedding anniversary. Normally, we don't celebrate in a big way since it's after our ROM anniversary and hubby's birthday. But after surviving the accident, must learn to appreciate each other even more. Plus hubby just had his hand operation on Wed, so I bought an Ipad for him as anniversary present. So that it's easier for him to type and read chinese comics online.

Got it from SMH WTS thread at almost $150 cheaper than retail and the seller delivered to my house on Wed night, just a few hrs after confirming the deal. But another forum mummy got it even cheaper than me from hardwarezone forum at only $820. :( Oh well, never mind, as long as hubby likes it right? :)

Anyway, we can't go out to eat since we already ordered tingkat but we did tapow some salmon belly sashimi from NTUC finest to jia cai. After accompanying hubby to polyclinic to change his bandage, we popped by Tampines Mall and had a snack at Wang Jiao and hubby bought 2 sets of drama DVD (1 taiwan, 1 korean) and promised to watch them with me. I hope it's true and he won't fall sleep halfway as usual. hee. :P

Birthday celebration at Elfa

RaeAnne's school is closed tomorrow for staff training. So, we had to celebrate early for her birthday which is on Sat. Luckily, I had ordered most of the items from Party City when preparing for Mei Mei's BD party. Cos post accident, we really don't have the time and energy to shop for her party stuff. But we still had to scramble to buy party favours and sweets/jelly last minute cos we didn't know there were 18 kids in her class including herself. I only see her own class ie. PrenurseryIIA (only about 6 kids) but PrenurseryIIB are also counted cos they share a classroom (separated by book shelves) and the same lunch break.

With me and hubby in bandage and brace, we were quite a sight walking to the CC with maid, baby and MIL in tow. I got the most curious stares from kaypoh aunties and uncles cos of my neck to waist brace. But bo bian, told myself must be thick skin and sacrifice my 'face' for my daughter. After all, it's her 3rd birthday party and I wouldn't miss it for the world. :)

RaeAnne got the pink smiley face cake that she requested for and all the kids are happy with the party bags and cake. We didn't bring the cake back since it wasn't very big in the first place. No place to store in the fridge also. But in hindsight, we should have cut a piece and put into tupperware for Ye Ye. I was too busy trying to take photos that I forgot. :P One of RA's classmate, a little boy by the name of Ryan Koh (Standing behind RaeAnne) likes me so much (despite my strange looking brace) that he called me Mummy and tried to leave with me. So sweet. :) Even RL hasn't called me Mummy yet. Duh...

Anyway, we also got RaeAnne's fortnightly progress report from school today. Her English lessons were of good progress but Chinese vocabulary 有待加强. These were for words like 幼儿园,再见,小朋友,你好etc. Yes, although we do speak Mandarin at home, we don't use such words often. No wonder she doesn't know. Got to hide the 'Beauty and the Beast' book which she loves and start reading some more of the Pelangi chinese books that we used to read to her. :P

Hubby's in the news today

Just found out that my hubby is featured in today's 联合早报, in the 现在 supplement. Haven't seen the papers yet, cos my mum was the one who tipped us off and we don't subscribe to chinese papers but at least managed to find the article online http://www.zaobao.com.sg/fk/fk110119_009.shtml. There is a reporting error though cos my hubby studied at NUS/NIE, not in USA. :P No photo in the online version though. But maybe it's better this way cos I don't like the photo they used in the article. Asked hubby and he said the student journalist took many photos, don't know why they picked that one. :P

Post accident

Quite a few people asked me how we are coping post accident with my neck to waist brace, hubby's fractured hand and 2 active kids below 3. Grandparents support is minimal as ILs pop in only when we call them for help eg. this afternoon MIL came over cos the maid wanted to go to PO to send $.

I am stiff in the morning, can't get off bed without going Ow, ow, ow. Hubby is even worse cos he has to sleep at the reclined position or he can't get up in the morning. Very difficult for him cos RA will always kacheow him at night for shh shh or milk or just to get Daddy to sleep with her.

I lie flat on my bed as much as I can. I am most comfortable lying down on the bed actually cos no need to wear the brace. My dr said I can skip the brace when showering and sleeping so I'm cheating a bit (ok, ok, cheating a lot) by lying down on the bed and using iPhone to surf net most of the time. but it's also very straining for my eyes. Think my myopia power will increase after 6 weeks.

A lot of things that I took for granted eg. shower, surf net, carry Raelynn, even drink water, I can no longer do comfortably esp with the brace. I often had to pull apart the chin support to breathe properly cos it was so claustrophobic to have half your face covered with a hard brace. :P

So, I have to find ways to improvise, utitlising whatever I can to make it work. :p

To surf net without the brace, I prop a big pillow behind my back and sit up straight, keeping neck in neutral position, then I put a Giant table tray with fold out legs (that we bought long ago for RA) then put 3big photo albums on top to prop up my laptop. That means that I can look at the screen comfortably without straining my neck but it's too high for my hands to type. But luckily hubby reminded me of the wireless keyboard I bought while still working at CGH. So, I connected the wireless keyboard so that I can type it on my lap. Very useful when I need to post on my blog or forum.

To shower, I got to sit on a stool, put my toiletries on another stool and position the showerhead so that it sprays directly on my head. I need to keep my back straight and lean back on the wall most of the time. Over head and bending down my head is discouraged by the physiotherapist. I managed ok but still have problems washing the upper right hand part of my shoulder due to the stiff back so hubby helps me. Drying my hair with a towel is also difficult since I'm supposed to minimise over head arm movements so I sit on a chair while hubby blows dry my hair with his good right hand.

To eat, we have ordered tingkat since Monday and hubby will put the pink table top on top of the coffee table with all the tingkat containers so that I can eat without looking down. To drink water, I use a straw so that I don't have to tilt my head.
I tried to wear the brace to eat the first few days but it was so claustrophobic cos I can't tilt my neck and my chin is half hidden. I broke one of my Corelle bowls (Duh, won't they supposed to be break resistant?) on Sunday while trying to eat my fried bee hoon dinner cos I can't see properly. Think it'll be difficult to buy a replacement cos that particular green lotus design is being phased out. :(

Hugging RL can only be done when someone places her on my lap but it's always very short hug cos she will struggle to get down. As for carrying her, it's even more impossible, cos it will strain my compression fractures at T1-5. So, I've sadly fallen out of favour cos she prefers the maid who can pick her up from the cot when she wakes up and carry her when she is pushed down by Cheh Cheh. In fact, she started to call 'Aunty' yesterday and often looks for the maid when she is out of sight. Hiaz. Such a practical gal. :P

But luckily, last night, when she was whining and trying to fall asleep, I put my hand on her hand to prevent her from 'tunneling' off the bumper mat and she fell asleep in just a few seconds. It was the first time I managed to make her sleep without letting the maid take over. At least it's a small accomplishment.

Hubby is a GREAT help to me (he brings me my water, my painkillers, helps me with my shower, hair drying etc). Sometimes we can't help commiserating about our fate as we go ow, ow, ow together especially when we are trying to find a comfortable position to sleep at night or when we are trying to get up from the bed. Sneezing and coughing literally 'rips us apart' us cos it is so damn painful esp to the ribs and painful muscles. But have you ever tried to stop a sneeze or cough? I have not had much success so far. It's worse when we laugh. So got to avoid comedies for now.

But yes, above everything else, we are thankful to be alive and see our gals' faces again. So got to keep reminding ourselves when the going gets tough. :)

Poor hubby going for day surgery Tom, poor guy got to go alone n come back alone cos he doesn't want to trouble his parents to accompany n technically they also didn't offer. Hope he doesn't feel too drugged tom and will make it safely back in a cab.

Mixing Friso3...

Decided to start mixing 1 small scoop of Friso3 to Mei Mei's EBM this morning. She took it well so did the same tonight. This way, I can slowly get her used to the taste of FM while depleting the remaining bags of EBM. Hopefully the FEBM can drag until 2 Feb, then she will be 14 months. Nice date to wean off BM totally.

Surprisingly, RaeAnne asked for milk by 830pm today and fell asleep before 9pm. Maybe it's because she went to school and went out with MIL and hubby to Tampines interchange to buy her birthday present. She wanted a pink bear but don't know why she came back with a pink stuffed piggy instead. Hubby is not complaining cos the toy from Toy R Us only costs $9.90.

I didn't follow cos it's tiring to go out for long with my brace. Yesterday, we went to the CC NTUC that's just 5 mins walk away cos I need to get sweets for RaeAnne's party packs. Quite a few people were staring at me though I wore a hooded jacket to try and hide the brace. It didn't help that the neck brace in front can't be hidden from view since it blocks part of my chin.

To mix or not to mix

Counted today and I have 17 bags of FEBM. Won't be long before the FEBM gets depleted since I am no longer pumping. Just hand expressing a bit when I feel full (not really). Got to start 'training' RL to take Friso3 which is what RA is taking. Wonder if I should mix FM with EBM or just let her take it neat. Afraid that she won't want EBM (bland) after taking FM so in a dilemma when to start giving it to RL. :P

Once the last bag of EBM is gone, wonder if I should sell the upright Farfalla freezer which I used to store EBM. It has served me very well for the last 11 months but it does take up a space in the kitchen. After the accident, think the chances of trying for no. 3 is even slimmer cos I need to defer my RES course and both hubby and I need to recuperate and recover from our fractures too. I already managed to sell the Arms reach cosleeper and got $100 for that. Not bad, considering that I bought it for $139 in 2007. :P

Oh ya, Mei Mei said I don't want 'sleep' today. Apparently, she said 'Eat' to Ye ye very often too. Tomorrow, starting on 2BQ tingkat for lunch and dinner for 10 days trial. Hope the food is good. Hubby has always been excited about tingkat so hope he's happy with the food. :)

Weaning off

Due to the accident, I'm weaning off Raelynn. Last pump was on Tues, 2 days after the accident cos I was feeling quite full. I have to pump and throw away because of all the painkiller jabs I was given anyway. Cannot pump with the brace on and I am not supposed to strain my neck nor spine which is what will happen if I pump cos I need to look down and pump for quite long nowadays for a miserable 30ml.

When I discharged on Friday, boobs already not feeling full so hardly needed to hand express. Oh well, FEBM is running out after our 5 days in hosp cos ILs refuse to feed RL enough solids (FIL claims her tummy is very big but doesn't understand that she is clever enough to refuse food or turn away when she is full) so end up she keeps waking up in the middle of the night for milk.

Tonight Raelynn is at Ils place cos the maid is sick (severe gastric pain according to her though GP said clinically her stomach is very soft). She said her stomach is very 'cold' for 3 days liao. Must be too much coffee and tea and Coca cola at Ils place and not enough solid meals. Spent $67 seeing 24 hr dr cos it's Sat night. My bro was the one to drive her down cos both of us are handicapped. Hope she gets well soon, we have enough trouble as it is. Hiaz...

Car accident

Never thought I will have a blog post about this. But just 3 days after hubby's birthday, we had a road traffic a cident at slip road at bedok north into PIE jurong. It happened last Sunday at 12+pm in the afternoon when hubby was driving me to my hair appt at Wheelock Place. It was raining n the road was slippery and the car skidded n we ran into the tree that was by the roadside. Luckily the gals n the maid were not with us. I am still warded in cgh as I post it but should be discharged Tom. it has been a very long painful 5 days but I must count our blessings that we survived the accident though both hubby n I suffered fracture injuries and will be on the long road to recovery.

Fisher Price Rocker

Sold off the FP Infant to Toddler Rocker today at SMH WTS thread today. Although made a profit of $10, I must say I'm feeling quite sad. Sad because it signifies that Mei mei is no longer a baby, plus I'm selling because we may not be having any more babies so no point keeping the Rocker which we got for a steal at FP Lok Yang Warehouse sale. There is no more space in the house or storeroom and the longer I keep the items, the more the value will depreciate. I took too long to sell the Arms reach bedside cosleeper and it's quite tough selling it off now.

This same wistful feeling strikes at the oddest times. In Nov last year because that was the month to have a Rabbit Leo baby if we had ttc that month, when RL decided to self wean, when I have to start selling Mei Mei's things, when I see CNY Rabbit decorations in the shopping malls cos it reminds me of the rabbit baby that I will not have, when I see Singapore Mint Rabbit Coin collection knowing that I won't be going down to buy a set cos we are not having a rabbit baby, when I see pregnant women on the streets cos I know they will be having a rabbit baby. Sometimes, I tell hubby if I had known that he was insistent not to have a 3rd baby, maybe it would have been better if I waited until June 2010 before TTC then Raelynn will be a rabbit baby. But will I still be successful to TTC or will Raelynn still be the same sweet temperament baby?

I don't know. Same like I don't know when this feeling of wistfulness will go away? Will it go away only when I'm 40 because I'll stop pining for a 3rd baby cos physiologically and emotionally I don't think I am cut out to be a 40 yr old mum like Zoe Tay? Or will it go away when I'm having a succesful second career cos my life is no longer about my family and kids and I have higher opportunity costs? Will it go away when I travel to faraway countries with the 2 gals cos I only need to buy 4 air tickets? Or will it go away when the kids go to college? Will be glad that we have enough for our retirement instead of spending all our savings on their tuition fees? :P

Happy Birthday to my Sweetest, Dearest Hubby! :)

Birthday Animations

Happy birthday, dada. Thanks for always being there when I need a listening ear, a hug, a massage, and a break away from the gals. May all your wishes come true. Mua Mua Mua! :)

From 'I don't want' to 'Go away'

Raelynn has learnt to say all the 'bad things' from Cheh Cheh, today i heard her say 'Go away' distinctively. Aiyoh, she can't call Mummy but can say all the 'negative phrases' like 'I don't want', 'Go away', '没有' etc. She hasn't even master saying 'Mummy' yet. Sometimes, I wonder if I can send her to school early. After all, she can walk, talk, and can poo and pee if put on potty, but she's still very much a baby, though a faster developing one.

Just realised that by Jan 2012, she will be considered 3 years old liao cos she's born in Dec 2009 ie. Prenursery 2 like what RaeAnne is attending now. So, if we don't send her to PG earlier, she will be going straight for minimum 3 hrs prog (PAP) or 4 hrs prog (CC). :P

P.S. Raelynn was woken up by Cheh cheh around 1030pm, after the maid made her go back to sleep again. She carried RL to me and asked if I wanted to feed. I thought yesterday will be the last time I try but I can't resist a sleeping baby. So I told myself one last try and tonight she did latch at first asleep but woke up when I started talking to hubby. But the best thing is she didn't unlatch and continue to suckle for almost 10mins. :) Until I tried to switch sides then everything went downhill and she struggled off my lap liao. :P

Raelynn is 13 months old! :)

Raelynn is 13 months old, don't have her latest weight and height yet cos she was at ILs house today.

It's official. She has stopped latching since 12 Dec. It's been 3 weeks and I kept trying to make her latch again, tried honey, tried it when she's hungry, tried it when she's sleepy and tried it after she has fallen asleep. But it's no use, I must admit her persistence has worn out my patience.

Although I had occasional success latching her when she was asleep, it's getting harder and harder cos if she is too hungry, she won't fall asleep so got to give EBM via bottle. If we don't give her enough EBM, she's still hungry and wakes up at my nursing pillow and cries, refuse to latch. If we give her enough EBM usually 125ml, she is satisfied and falls asleep. No amount of prying her mouth and jaw with my little finger nor tickling or tapping her jaw will make her 'unclench' her teeth.

So sad though I am, I cannot force this issue anymore. Because she's not latching, I can only pump out 100ml after 2 pumps of 20-30 mins (even the pump gives up on me). So, it's a matter of days before I stop pumping altogether.I weaned RaeAnne off BF at 12.5 months and she latched all the way till 12.5 months too. Since I still have some frozen EBM, and Mei Mei is already 13 months. I have already surpassed my BF target of feeding RL as long as RA and longer if possible.

Anyway, 2 days ago, while trying to make RL sleep, I flashed at her and she came forward and kissed my left nipple but didn't even try to open her mouth. It was like a kiss goodbye and it shows that she no longer sees it as her source of food. Oh well, at least she had good memories of latching, if not, she wouldn't kiss it. I must take heart for that.

For her 13th month milestone, RL is able to say 'I don't want'. Don't understand why she cannot call 'Mummy' (only occasionally Mama) but yet she can say 'I don't want'. But it's true, I heard it myself tonight, she kept chanting 'I don't want', 'I don't want' when me and the maid took turns to put her to sleep. First, I didn't let the maid feed too much EBM cos I was still hoping to latch (failed - she struggled off my lap or her teeth were clenched the whole way), secondly because her arms are wrapped up in the baby legs legging to prevent her from sucking her favourite pacifier - her thumb. So, she was sleepy, hungry and frustrated so she kept chanting 'I don't want'. In the end, the maid had to feed another 60ml of EBM and let her roll on the mat before she fell asleep in 5 mins. :P






Went with hubby to Dempsey for lunch. Our first time to Dempsey, though I've heard of the place 5 years ago, so suaku. Thanks to the GPS, we made the trip. But because I changed setting from 'Faster route' to 'Shorter distance', it took us 40mins to drive there cos the GPS directed us to all the small roads instead of the expressways. -_-

We ate at Barracks as recommended by a few Jan08 mummies. Hubby ordered the braised veal caramelised onion skinny pizza while I had the Bay Prawn Capellini, then we shared the salted caramel banana cake. The food was really good. :) They weren't exactly cheap though cos all their mains are $22 and above. :P Went to Jones the Grocer to browse and we passed by Gogo bambini, another adventure park for kids but we have not brought RaeAnne there before. Maybe next time. :) We went to the PageOne warehouse sale at Kaki Bukit View after that but hubby didn't buy anything. I bought some stationery and a notebook for taking notes at my RES course. :)

Happy New Year!!!

Bye bye to 2010 and Hello 2011!

Brought RaeAnne to see GP in the morning cos her fever hovered around 37.8. At first, she refused to see the GP. So we had to bribe her with toys from 7-11 next door and reminded her that the nice doctor will give her a sweet. And he did give her one soft jelly sweet. But RaeAnne ripped off the packaging so forcefully that the sweet landed on the floor. Hubby and I refused to let her eat it since it's dirty. She protested loudly and wanted to put it in her mouth anyway until the doctor told her he'll give her a new one.

GP said it's viral fever cos no ulcers and no throat infection. But she does have a runny nose. Assured that it's nothing serious. Hope she gets well soon to enjoy the new year.

Later, hubby asked her if the doctor is nice. She said yes, 'Doctor nice cos doctor gave me a not dirty sweet'.

She dropped food at Nai Nai floor tonight and hubby told her 'Gal, cannot eat, dirty'. And she replied 'No lar, dropped on the (bumper) mat'. kekeke. Things she said always make us laugh. ;P

After that, went to ILs place. She napped there for 3 hrs from 1 - 4pm so she was very alert when she came home and refused to sleep until almost 11pm. :P