RL has been refusing to latch since last Monday, 13 Dec unless she is asleep. And it's taking a toll on my supply. At night, I can only pump out only 50ml after 20 mins of pumping. Not sure how long I can persist to BF at this rate. I still have 1 tin of happy bellies oatmeal cereal left (which I need to mix EBM for her cereal). I think the frozen stock can last for only a few more weeks at this rate. It doesn't help that for the last few days, I'm pumping for her milk bath cos the milk cannot be consumed due to the antibiotics that I took for food poisoning last Fri. This morning, I was even crazy enough to try using honey to entice her but she still refused to lie down on my lap.
The TMC LC hotline told me maybe she finds bottle easier so she refused to latch. :( she said her own son not even refuse to latch, he even refused bottle in milk so she had to flavour it with chocolate, before he would even drink milk. Such a naughty boy she said. Oh well, I guess in that aspect I was lucky, at least I did have 12.5 months of BF bonding with Raelynn.
Oh well, must look at the bright side. I did try my best to BF her. Everytime, my supply dipped is because she rather take solids and bottle than to latch. Even when I went to Taipei, I refused to wean off on my own and rather let her take the lead. Even though I pumped diligently there, she refused to latch when I came back after just 1 lucky time. I did reach my BF target of 1 year and looking back, I also BFed RaeAnne for 12.5 months before I started to wean her off. But RA was not ready to be weaned off so it was heartbreaking for me to stop latching her and apply cold cabbage. Subconsciously, I wanted to BF RL as long as possible to compensate for my loss of BF bonding. But I have to keep reminding myself, that RL is a different baby and she has always been more interested in food than milk. maybe, she is also trying to make it easier for me to be fair to both sisters so that I BF them for the same duration.
Just now when I tried to latch her while she was asleep, she pulled out her thumb to cry and woke up but she didn't struggle and unlatch. For a while, it seemed like things were back to normal but I knew she was not really suckling and swallowing but I am already very glad. I don't have much confidence that things will improve but I will try my best until Xmas.
If she still doesn't want to latch after that, then I will have to take it that her Xmas present to Mummy is Time and Freedom. Time to do my own things since she is no longer tied to my boobs and my supply is drying up. Freedom for me to pursue my own things, take up a part time course and hopefully find a fulfilling second career. :S