RIP

It has been more than 2 weeks since my last post. Wasn't in the mood to post earlier. Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer on 23 Mar, Fri 12noon. The dr said he may have 3-6 mths left. Yet, he passed away on the next day on 24 Mar, Sat night because his condition deteriorated very fast from Fri night and his BP n HR kept dropping despite the heart stimulant drug he was given.

It has been a difficult time, everything happened in just 3 days. But now I am coming to terms with it, since there is nothing the doctors can do for him anymore, I am comforted that at least his suffering was short. Symptoms of colorectal cancer include changes in bowel habits, changes in size of stool, constipation, blood in stools. Dad has had chronic piles problem over 20 yrs. He won't suspect anything is wrong even if there is bleeding.

Anyway, even if we had found out earlier say Stage 1 or 2 of the cancer, he would have been a good candidate for surgery and chemotherapy, given his age. I am lucky to have a short window of time on Fri night to talk to him and tell him how I feel while he was still conscious but unable to speak (can only try to nod or shake). I was also there as he gasped his last breath. So at least I am thankful that I had closure.

During the funeral, we were lucky and thankful that a lot of our relatives and cousins volunteered and helped us 守灵 for 5 days till 28 Mar. As Dad was hospitalised since Wed night, Bro and I were tired out with just 4 hrs of sleep from Wed night till next week Wed morning when he was cremated at Mandai Crematorium and laid to rest at 三清宫 at Bedok North on Thurs morning. We received a lot of generous donations from relatives and friends too and appreciate their kind thoughts and condolences.

Went to my mum's place to stay over on Thurs night for my Dad's 头七. As I slept in my old room on a foldable bed, it seems like my dad visited me cos I felt a very cold front descend on my chest but it lifted before I felt any pressure. I woke up wondering if it was a dream but the next day, my 2nd aunt said my dad did visit me. She said the same thing happened to my cousin who was woken from her sleep by a very cold hand touching her arm when my maternal grandma passed away. Some things in life cannot be easily explained. I never had such a feeling before in my life and both my bro and mum didn't feel anything so I like to believe it is true.

My dad is a free thinker but we did Buddhist rites for him cos my mum is a buddhist. Wherever he is right now, I hope he will rest in peace and be free from any pain or suffering.